i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do vagina's smell?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
