her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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