I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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