did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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