WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
