The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
