can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
