I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
