she was so not down for the gang bang
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
