So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
