Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize