Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
