she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
