remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
