Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
