I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
