My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
