If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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