I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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