people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
