some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
