I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
