he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
