so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
