Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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