Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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