i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
