If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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