I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you didnt know i had herpes?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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