Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
