Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize