When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
