covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
