is your mom at the bar?
where am i from again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
