A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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