I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
