When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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