I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
