hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
