No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
smell my finger.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
