it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
