Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
