My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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