it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
