I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize