So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
