omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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