Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
