i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize