we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I didn't notice because vodka
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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