Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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