Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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