i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
