that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
