i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize