Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
