I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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