so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
