Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
