I'm gonna have a badass scar
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
