he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
