Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize