yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
