she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
