Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
