i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize