i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
