Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
