I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
