I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
