good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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