True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
