I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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