i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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