me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
