Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
