What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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