16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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