im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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