I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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