How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
