I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
