Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
