At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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