alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
