the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
