i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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