one two three fourrrrnication!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
