Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
