Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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