Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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