Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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