if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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