the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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