apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
