So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
