Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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