I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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