First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
