Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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