Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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