I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
