This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
