so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
