Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
