why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
