its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
whose parrot is this?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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