Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
