i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
