if only i could text you this smell
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize