I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
