i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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