I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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