Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
